Marianne threatened me, or at least gave me baleful looks, so I didn't take any pictures of her ordeal with carpal tunnel surgery. Okay, I took a few photos and sent them to Dee but I was sworn to NEVER show them to others (got that, Britt?). Let's just say she looked adorable in her disposable Spongebob Squarepants-ish bloomer shorts and inflatable hospital gown (I got her to flash Dee some leg!).
What was really fun was when she became medicated. You know, that initial injection to relax before you are put under? Within 20 seconds she sadly looked over at me and said, "I'm so sorry I kicked you when I was twelve." Good to know. Then, as she was wheeled out of the room, she called out, "I love all of you sooo much!" In retrospect I'm glad I didn't take that as an omen. Creepy.
Her surgery only lasted 30 minutes but I was a little concerned when she didn't come out of recovery as expected. I was reassured by the staff that she would be with me momentarily. When they finally brought her to me she was very sleepy and the nurse intoned several times, "Deep breaths, Marianne!" I was told to converse with her to help her wake up. Our conversation went something like this:
Me: Marianne, I've texted with Dee and everyone. They're all happy you're okay.
Marianne: ... humph...
Me: You look pretty good. Do you want some Burt's Bees on your chapped lips.
Marianne: ... yesh...
lip balm is applied gently with finger
Marianne:... you are sho good to me...
Monitor: BEEP, BEEP, BEEP...
Me(readjusting pulse ox clip): Marianne! Remember to take deep breaths!
nurse comes in
Nurse: Marianne! Are you taking deep breaths?
Marianne: (deep sigh, softly) Yes
Me: I have my iPod, do you want me to play some music to help you wake up? I have lots of choices.
Marianne: Uh-huh, what?
Me: Music. Hmm, you like Barry Manilow. Do you want that?
Marianne: (mournfully) Dee doesn't like Barry*
*editor's note: totally false statement
Me: Okay.
volume adjusted strains of "Mandy" drift across the room
Monitor: BEEP, BEEP, BEEP
Me: Marianne, take a deep breath!
She looks at me quizzically and I demonstrate for her.
Marianne(breathing deeply): All right...Nurse(poking head through curtain): Is she taking deep breaths?
Marianne takes a few exaggerated breaths.
Nurse: Okay, just keep it up. Do you want some juice?
Marianne: Um-hm.
Nurse: There's some apple here.
Marianne:... grape...
Nurse: I have some. Would you rather have grape.
Marianne: Yes (nurse leaves).
Marianne: F-AH-CK-T!*
*editor's note: to understand random, extremely distinct vocalization of the word "fact" you must view 'Kid History episode 4 on YouTube (endorsed, very funny)
Me: I think Barry is too mellow, how about some Aerosmith?
Marianne: They're fun.* How about the Beatles?
*editor's note: does she really think so?
I realized the music was doing the trick when after "Ticket to Ride" her toes began to tap to "Love Me Do."
She really began to wake up gracefully, even managing to eat her pudding without making too much of a mess. I knew she loved me when she let me wipe her hands and face. She must know I love her because I didn't allow her to go home with pudding on her bandaged hand and face.
Post surgery patient is doing extremely well!
ps. Patient shared with me that in recovery when doctors and nurses were trying to wake her up she purposely held her breathe in an act of rebellion towards those people who were not letting her sleep. Bravo!
3 years ago
